i woke up today at 10 am, in santa monica, at andy’s home. he left hours ago to go to work. i’m so tired. but there isn’t much pain, a bit of vertigo, that vague hung over feeling that comes after an exciting evening. we were able to go hear howard zinn and others reading from his latest book. andy, loves the theater and we get to go out so infrequently, between his work schedule, activism and my health, it gets harder and harder. last weekend we had planned to go to a movie after dinner, but we went to see the south central farmers (www.southcentralfarmers.com -an amazing farm, organic, bio diverse, lush, dense, in the heart of los angeles, and in threat of being torn down by a system without a heart.) there had been no parking near the garden, so i had to walk from the car. later, i wandered in the garden, which was wonderful, but left me very tired and in a lot of pain. so by the time we were done, having written most of the day, which puts a strain on my back, that lying still does not inflict, i was in too much pain and could not sit through a movie. there is a challenge to any relationship, how to find time for divergent interests and time as well for the relationship. this is not a petty task, but one so often discarded in the sacrifice for relationship. so many of us lose ourselves in what today, is called love. it’s even harder when one person is sick. so much falls on the caretaker. i know this is hard for him. It’s not that I don’t love the theater, I do. i’m just too tired much of the time, and stiff chairs, stairs, inaccessible venues, lots of walking, standing, is hard work for me. what he does to relax is, for me, a real physical challenge. so when we had the opportunity to go out last night, i did spend some time in the morning with desk work; home management, political activism, writing, electronic housekeeping, but spent the afternoon resting; watched a movie, meditating, sleeping. by 3 pm i was still very tired. by five i was stronger and ready to go out. we found a restaurant with booths in little tokyo, near the theater, booths are important. they are more comfortable for me, give me, my back. more support, allow me to sit longer, to move around more. at the theatre we saw many people we both knew. i’ve been getting out more the last few weeks, getting a bit stronger. most days are better than the one preceding, but there are some very lethargic days, very painful days, days i can’t move very well. today i’m just tired. we got to sleep very late last night and andy’s alarm went off before 6 am. i got up with him for a little while, but went back to sleep after he left for work. i woke up several hours later. there isn’t much i have to do today. i hope to plant my winter garden, health permitting. leon already prepped the soil with compost and organic fertilizer. i bought the seedlings and some seeds. we’ll have cabbages, lettuce, fennel, beets, kale. spinach, peas, beans. the peppers, we had over ten varieties this summer, are still coming in, and the roses i planted in the fall are in bloom, amazing. edible flowers include nasturtiums, pansies and roses. they make beautiful salads, as do the pomegranates. the last zucchini waits to be picked and the tomatoes are long gone. they were short and sweet. the snails have over populated, making new seedlings excellent targets for their voracious habit. otherwise there’s enough food for everyone; the people and the bugs. It’s more of a problem in winter, when the crops consist of the leaves of the plant. in summer we grow the fruit; tomatoes, zucchini, eggplant, peppers. if the bugs eat the leave, there still remains much left for the people to eat. i don’t usually plant winter gardens, but soil is plentiful, deep, loamy, and organic vegetables are prohibitively expensive. so this is a bit of a new venture for me. in some ways it should be easier, cooler weather. less watering.
the day has other requirements as well: i need to stop by the market and pick up some bread. i need to schedule appointments for my health care. i have to drive home. i should leave before traffic gets too thick. the thirty-two miles between our homes, andy’s and mine, can be so long so much of the time. the window of time to travel is so thin. what could take a half an hour, can take two, at the wrong time of day.
that’s enough for now. i look forward to finding work, finding the strength to do work, having the money to pay my bills. today i am grateful for the improved strength i have. it is all so slow, so measured. but that’s another entry. i’ll write more tomorrow
to learn more about the south central farmers run a google search and/or go to: http://www.southcentralfarmers.com