Diary post:Everything hurts

everything hurts today. i am very tired. very little got done yesterday. something is wrong with my brakes on my car and my mechanic can’t seem to figure out what it is. i need to write a blog entry on the car alone. what a mess that’s been this year. right now the car shakes at high speeds when i put on the brakes, but not all the time. i just had the calipers replaced along with the brake pads and they turned over the rotors. but it still shakes, a lot. the whole steering wheel shakes. every day the car is in the shop is a day i can’t get to health care providers. i missed a chiropractic and acupuncture appointment yesterday, i couldn’t schedule a massage for this weekend and today i’m in a lot of pain, even though i rested most of the day yesterday. it hurts to sit up or try to get around. i had great plans for the day, but it looks like i’ll be home, waiting to be stronger. there’s no timeline for the inconvenience. when I’m sick, i just have to lie here and wait until i feel better. it could take hours. it could take months. i might try swimming or yoga, and i’ll see if i can find a massage. there’s also so much to do here, at home, so much to take care of; the management of life. i did get the garden in, in a rare burst of energy that was short lived, but sufficient. i ate well and cooked dinner all week for leon and me. i’ve been getting out more, to more events, which is what i wanted to do today, and may yet do. i want so much to tackle everything in front of me, to put tasks behind me, to work hard to solve my problems, find solutions, but hard work leads to unbearable pain and fatigue that often i just have to stop and rest for extended periods of time. and now i have to save myself, that is, i need to get strong enough, and find some work. financially, everything is falling apart around me. so many basic needs aren’t getting met. it all does get back to the car, and what it has cost me this year, but, as i said, that’s a whole entry in itself.

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