Today is tedious. Yesterday had redemptive moments. I was able to write in between periods of extreme fatigue. But I am afraid this is more than a momentary relapse; now day three. My body, mostly my back and feet, hurts and I am very tired. I get hungry but don’t want to eat. I am dizzy and light headed. Sunday night I wasn’t able to sit up, I was in so much pain. My vision gets wavy, and then it’s okay.
There was a period of time when I couldn’t read. My eyes could not focus on the words and I could not follow the meaning of a sentence from beginning to the end. The cognitive impairment of this condition is very frustrating. I still have problems with simple math and spelling; tasks that in the past would have been unchallenging. But today, most of the time I can read and write. I find handwriting difficult. I make lots of mistakes. I don’t have the mental dexterity to control my hands. Typing is so much easier and more forgiving; mistakes ( four in this last word alone!) are much easier to correct.
The first time I had my eyes checked and told the doctor that my vision changed from time to time, he told me I was imagining things. But every opthamologist I’ve seen since says that that’s pretty common with fibromyalgia. Slowly the medical profession is beginning to at least recognize this condition, even if they have little or no remedy. At the very least, a doctor can bear witness, provide a mirror to a patient’s suffering. Otherwise, it is such a solitary existence. Few allopathic practitioners understand that simply acknowledging their patients’ experience is a healing modality in that it breaks down the patient’s isolation and the desperation and anxiety that goes with it.
I’ve been watching films and want to get back to my film blog. Maybe I will be able to tend to that today. Currently I am struggling to hold my arms up to type these meager sentences. I am very weak right now.
Blogsource provides a tally of visitors each day, and I am glad to see that my blogs (all four of them!) are gaining readership. If you have a moment, take the time to post a comment, or send me an email. I would love to know more about those of you who take the time to track my musings. What brings you to my pages?
Dear Emma, it’s now to see you back again. I find your posts very inspiring (… and I wish I could write as well!) I wish you all the best. I have put a link to this blog on my blog page, what you have to say deserves to be heard. Before I left Pasadena I was having all sorts of physical problems, not nearly as bad as yours, but I was really terrified it may be fybromyalgia. Of course none of my doctors would hear any of it. I am much much better now. I am 100% convinced that the environmental factors have a lot to do with it, there’s so much poison our bodies are exposed to in places like Los Angeles (and yet I still have a soft spot for LA…) I wish you will recover soon for this last bout. Happy Hannuka, hugs gaby_Posted by Gaby on 12/17/2006 12:48:02 AM