Sickbed ennui in the land of banana leaf hope

  1. Another twitter storify: http://storify.com/emma_rosenthal/sickbed-ennui-in-the-land-of-banana-leaf-hope
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    i wish i had more energy to do more with my life.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:58:43
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    this constant fatigue provides little strength fortasks i feel give meaning, purpose and healing to this broken crying world.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:58:48
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    strong winds blow in the southland of the angels. making stop motion blur on silver film.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:59:56
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    i want the wind to carry me, lift me up, take me somewhere else away.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:00:26
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    away from this sick bed ennui. the tedium of cellular efforts. the hard work of waiting waiting waiting for strength.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:00:51
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    i want to fly on a banana leaf, to some other place, where sick gurl dreams become something more than fear and loss.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:01:25
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    there is so much to do to heal this wounded crying world. i have so much shuffled away in other world plans.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:02:13
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    plans, wishes dreams, stored in boxes, cabinets, bell jars and the corridors of my mind.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:02:48
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    i wander empty spaces of time. days that are marked only by disappearing cups of tea
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:03:24
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    and the march of the shadows of banana leaves on neighbor’s walls as this corner of earth spins to and from rays of our local star.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:04:14
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    hope is dangerous territory. my most feared neighborhood,
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:05:00
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    where ideas are washed away faster than the fleeting work of stealth artists on alley walls.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:05:05
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    i am writing again, without fear or hope of publication. wordpress and storify are my hogarth press. i have a room of my own.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:07:11
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    the world moves around me. i am more like the sun than earth. it only looks like time revolves around me, from my perch overlooking hills
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:09:02
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    i feel like it all spins without me, in this box in the center of the storm. waiting waiting waiting. unlike the sun i am nothing immobile
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:11:02
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    lists to do scatter like dust, pollen and bird feathers from broken winds. i want my banana leaf wings.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:15:44
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    i want this wind to take me somewhere where my dreams can fly.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:15:51
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    but tomorrow the walls will still be peach against a purple trim. banana leaves will flutter against the green garden walls
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:17:51
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    and i will still be plastered to flannel sheets. wind provides the illusion that change is sweeping thru,
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:18:39
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    that stagnant air makes way for new possibilities. that opportunity is there to be grasped.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:20:10
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    that i could fly away on a banana leaf and not look back.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:20:15

One response to “Sickbed ennui in the land of banana leaf hope

  1. Emma, tonight I really needed to get loved on. I needed to make real the pointed ways in which people who are doing justice work are so goddamned mean to each other. I needed to see it, written i the sky, that this is no phenomenon. That it’s a THING IN THE WORLD and I’m allowed to hate it. There is real mean-spiritedness in radical culture–real, deep unkindness. When you bear witness to it, when you put out your words like an all-night diner, it means something. It means that tonight I felt a little more whole, a little less small, a little more productively angry. And I was made to feel *allowed*. Allowed to shed the shame, allowed to be skeptical of the goodwill of do-gooders. Your words mattered. You weren’t just screaming into the dark tonight. You were throwing your body over mine, and we were both under fire.

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