Category Archives: Storify

Sickbed ennui in the land of banana leaf hope

  1. Another twitter storify: http://storify.com/emma_rosenthal/sickbed-ennui-in-the-land-of-banana-leaf-hope
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    i wish i had more energy to do more with my life.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:58:43
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    this constant fatigue provides little strength fortasks i feel give meaning, purpose and healing to this broken crying world.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:58:48
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    strong winds blow in the southland of the angels. making stop motion blur on silver film.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 15:59:56
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    i want the wind to carry me, lift me up, take me somewhere else away.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:00:26
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    away from this sick bed ennui. the tedium of cellular efforts. the hard work of waiting waiting waiting for strength.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:00:51
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    i want to fly on a banana leaf, to some other place, where sick gurl dreams become something more than fear and loss.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:01:25
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    there is so much to do to heal this wounded crying world. i have so much shuffled away in other world plans.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:02:13
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    plans, wishes dreams, stored in boxes, cabinets, bell jars and the corridors of my mind.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:02:48
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    i wander empty spaces of time. days that are marked only by disappearing cups of tea
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:03:24
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    and the march of the shadows of banana leaves on neighbor’s walls as this corner of earth spins to and from rays of our local star.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:04:14
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    hope is dangerous territory. my most feared neighborhood,
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:05:00
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    where ideas are washed away faster than the fleeting work of stealth artists on alley walls.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:05:05
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    i am writing again, without fear or hope of publication. wordpress and storify are my hogarth press. i have a room of my own.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:07:11
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    the world moves around me. i am more like the sun than earth. it only looks like time revolves around me, from my perch overlooking hills
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:09:02
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    i feel like it all spins without me, in this box in the center of the storm. waiting waiting waiting. unlike the sun i am nothing immobile
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:11:02
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    lists to do scatter like dust, pollen and bird feathers from broken winds. i want my banana leaf wings.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:15:44
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    i want this wind to take me somewhere where my dreams can fly.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 16:15:51
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    but tomorrow the walls will still be peach against a purple trim. banana leaves will flutter against the green garden walls
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:17:51
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    and i will still be plastered to flannel sheets. wind provides the illusion that change is sweeping thru,
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:18:39
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    that stagnant air makes way for new possibilities. that opportunity is there to be grasped.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:20:10
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    that i could fly away on a banana leaf and not look back.
    Sun, Apr 01 2012 23:20:15
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Dreaming of a hot breakfast

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    still not out of bed after several days of total bed rest. hoping to do something productive today.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:20:37
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    dreaming of a hot breakfast– bagel creamcheese, w egg, maybe. and bitter green jasmine tea, but i can’t get to the kitchen.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:21:13
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    i’ll make breakfast when the hunger exceeds my fatigue. until then i’ll wait in bed hungry. this is amerikkkan health care.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:21:43
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    and i have health care coverage. it’s even what they call cadillac care. but it doesn’t cover in home support when i can’t get up.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:22:15
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    my health care doesn’t cover much of what helps me manage my illness. it pays for lots of tests test test. but no actual care.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:22:47
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    i need regular massage, chiropractic, reiki or acupuncture, but none of that is covered. what’s covered? medication– which helps some.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:23:26
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    what else is covered– tests and more tests. dr.s appts. treatments that don’t help. treatments for other conditions some other people have
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:24:35
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    therapy is covered, because if i talk abt it enough the illness will go away and i’ll fly to the kitchen on my self actualized wings.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:24:56
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    @emma_rosenthal and that just made me laugh so hard I peed a little. Omg
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:36:53
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    .@AureliaCotta they tell me i keep my sense of humor thru the worst trials. i try. i’ll be performing here all week!
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:39:51
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    not that therapy doesn’t help. but how much good can come from talking about something that can’t be changed?
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:25:48
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    getting hungrier. the sun is out. i saw it hitting the banana leaves. but no shadows yet, it has to pass over the house to the back yard.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:26:33
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    i’m so hungry. trying to get up. really trying. this is so fucking frustrating.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:42:39
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    tho now,just getting out of bed & to the kitchen is overwhelming. i just can’t command my body to do what it needs to do to make that happen
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:46:10
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    of course,once i get to the kitchen i’ll have to remember how to toast a bagel and make tea. sometimes i can’t think things that complicated
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:43:13
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    and if something is out of place, one aspect of the routine that takes additional thought, i’m lost. this is fibromyalgia brain fog
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:43:47
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    like if there isn’t a clean tea pot. then i go nuts. the idea of having to clean the tea pot, that can be too much sometimes.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:44:25
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    i do however have the capacity to get a tweet from -40 characters down to 120. ha ha ha . go figure.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:46:54
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    i’m hungry. i’m very very hungry.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:47:20
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    anyone who says “we don’t realize how easy we have it in amerika” doesn’t have a clue abt what most ppl in amerika deal with.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:47:50
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    .@Farese9190 @TodayHIRING no fucking way! i tweet abt how sick i am and i get spam telling me to get a fucking job?? see– amerikkka!!!!
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:49:04
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    .@Farese9190 @TodayHIRING i would get a job if i could. right now i can’t fucking get out of bed.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:49:37
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    got damn fucking spam bot, thinks this is an appropriate rsponse to chronic illness! typical @Farese9190 @TodayHIRING
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:50:06
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    i really hate this level of helplessness. all i want is a fucking bagel and some hot tea.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 12:53:03
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    okay, i got breakfast. hope i didn’ t leave the stove on. ugh. back in bed, with a tray of wonderfulness.
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 13:14:43
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    i just fell. i was in bed and i fell. no i didn’t fall OUT of bed i fell in bed. how does someone fall in bed?
    Mon, Mar 26 2012 13:25:58
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    okay, i’ve been sitting up long enough. this has been a lot of work. can’t type lying down. so, i’ll be back later. time to rest.

in the company of banana leaves: anatomy of chronic illness

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    people tweet their play by play of many experiences. chronic illness is a part of the human narrative. i tweet my life. this is it.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 17:18:34
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    anatomy of my illness. a day in bed. a week in bed. a lifetime that feels at time wasted. ideas ideas. no vehicle to transport those ideas
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:07:27
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    in my former home, i kept company with a pomegranate tree. today the tree outside my window is a banana tree.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:07:59
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    banana trees have long big leaves, 8 feet long at times. they dance in the breeze, cast shadows on my neighbor’s wall.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:08:46
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    the younger leaves are long ad solid with one stem down the middle. the older leaves are wind torn into strips on either side of that stem
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:09:24
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    the banana leaf shadows flutter against the green walls of the neighboring building, but only in the afternoon.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:10:08
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    the morning light doesn’t cast a shadow onto the wall. it takes a later sun to make my neighbor’s wall dance.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:10:40
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    banana leaf shadows get longer later in the day. deep inside my gut i dance with these leaves and they lift me up a little bit. just a bit.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:11:21
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    chronic illness is very heavy long & deep it requires much waiting. timeless except that marked by shadows of leaves on stucco walls
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:12:32
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    there are other quiet markers– the coming and going of other people, my cat jumps on the bed acknowledges me and the sleeps at the foot
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:13:37
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    otherwise, a second in time lasts for days. it is morning all day until it is too dark in my room, curtains must be drawn and lights go on.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:14:33
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    i drift in and out of sleeping and wakefulness. i often confuse my dreams for what has truly happened, until i am confronted with reality
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:16:07
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    in all that time i never left the house, and few stopped by. what i think has happened could never have come to pass.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:16:40
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    through wavy antique glass on the old windows of my home i can hear the banana leaves blowing in the wind and the birds singing.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:17:31
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    i may make my way to the front porch, for a bit. and then return back to bed to rest some more.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:17:59
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    when i am strong enough i sit up and tweet or chat on fb, but soon gravity becomes too heavy and i have to lie down again.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 19:18:58
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    isolation plays tricks on me, my mind conspires with hidden demons telling me of my inherent worthlessness. in dark quiet moments i agree.
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 20:25:31
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    by end of day the wall is full of banana leaf shadows, rattling together, applauding with great fanfare, these tiny accomplishments
    Sat, Mar 24 2012 21:05:35