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Frida’s Bookshelf: Trauma and Abuse

Posted on July 13, 2020 | Leave a comment

I’ve written a bit about abuse and trauma, mostly in the form of facebook posts, waiting for an opportunity to put my ideas together more cohesively.

It’s summer, in the desert, during a pandemic where my most socially responsible behavior is to stay home.

“Those who attempt to describe the atrocities that they have witnessed also risk their own credibility. To speak publicly about one’s knowledge of atrocities is to invite the stigma that attaches to victims... Denial, repression and dissociation operate on a social, as well as an individual level.” ~ Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror ~

~ Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror” Graphic from https://www.facebook.com/traumaandco

Home.

Home.

Home.

Especially for women, home is more than just a place to sleep. It is often community, work, identity, investment. Why then do we insist, even if a breakup is necessary, that it is the victim who must leave? Why not support the victim in removing the perpetrator and protecting the victim? Why is the assumption that it is her move, not his?

(I use gendered pronouns because that is the essential paradigm of abuse, that gender would apply to any victim or perpetrator. It is also my frame of reference, my lived experience. If you need different pronouns, please feel free to substitute your own. )

Victims of domestic violence are told the perpetrator won’t and can’t change and the only recourse is for the victim to leave and it is the victim who must change. DSM diagnoses pathologize victims but not perpetrators. His violence is normal. It is her “willingness” to be a target that is considered sick; that the victim didn’t heed red flags or make better choices, didn’t see the patterns, that victims think of themselves as victims, play the victim (this is a game?), that survivors are superior to victims.

I use the term victim quite intentionally in my writing. There should be no shame in being a victim. It is BY DEFINITION, NOT A CHOICE!  Some victims don’t survive. Making a moral or spiritual distinction further maintains the focus on the victim and not the perpetrators.

BLAMING THE VICTIM FURTHER NORMALIZES AND ENABLES THE PERPETRATOR.

There are many reasons a victim may have to stay. There is often extreme push back on victims who do change. The most dangerous time for a victim of an abusive relationship is during or after she decides to leave. Victims who fight back or push back are often identified as problematic, disruptive, unpleasant or even violent. The prisons are full of victims who fought back.  Victims who kill their abusers routinely get longer prison terms and harsher verdicts than serial abusers who kill their victims.

Why is abuse always put on the abused to stop? Why is it the abused who should leave? (Often sent to spaces called shelters that are abusive, controlling environments that remove the agency of their clients and underpay and over work their staff).

Why is the removal of the victim the explicit solution?

Why do we insist that abusers won’t or can’t change? Why do we not instead, hold them accountable, in community? Why do we continue to present abuse as a personal problem and the personal choice of the victim instead of the systemic issue of power and oppression?

I am not saying we shouldn’t support the victim if they want to leave. I was addressing the mandate that the victim is the one who is told to leave, told it is their responsibility to leave and is told that to get help, sympathy or support, must leave.

Victims are rarely provided with sufficient resources to stay or leave, but the agency should be the victim’s.

There are even programs that refuse to help a victim if they don’t want to leave, especially if they don’t want to break up with the abuser.

There are few if any systems of support to protect the victim and hold the abuser accountable.

Also, the mandate to leave seems to only apply to heteronormative– in form if not in substance– domestic relationships.

People in abusive work situations are told to learn to work with difficult people. Monday morning blues are the generally accepted indicator of how pervasive and normal workplace abuse is.

Children with abusive parents are told that the family unit must be preserved and it is the parents who have to change.

Parents who have abusive children (yes, it happens) are told it’s all their fault (as if there aren’t other systems pressing on children: ex-partners, people in power, media, etc.)

My understanding of abuse and trauma has been empowered and informed by several important books and some articles, that I link to below.

One of the most important books on my shelf is Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery.  Herman describes how systemic trauma is, and for women, how abuse, at the earliest age is common and pervasive and that one traumatic experience often puts the victim in positions that are retraumatizing. These are more than just the victim’s patterns. These are social patterns imposed on marginalized people, often in a squirrel’s wheel that can be difficult to escape.

Patricia Evans provides the anatomy of abuse and what the abusers think.  Those books are essential especially for people dealing with gaslighting, moving goal posts, confabulations and false accusations

Red field with one black horizontal line and several vertical lines of different sizes out of the horizontal line. Red, Black and Blue by Emma Rosenthal

Red, Black and Blue by Emma Rosenthal

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror Paperback – July 7, 2015

by Judith L. Herman (Author)
Cover image of the book Trauma And Recovery, by Judith Herman M.D.

https://amzn.to/3gV3HmE Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror Paperback – July 7, 2015

Also available free, in PDF:
https://www.pdfdrive.com/trauma-and-recovery-judith-herman-m-d-e17694190.html

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to recognize it and how to respond Paperback – January 18, 2010

by Patricia Evans  (Author)

https://amzn.to/3iS5L0t

Also available free, in PDF: https://thequeerproject.wordpress.com/2016/01/29/the-revolution-starts-at-home-pdf/

My only concern in recommending this zine is that it comes from Andrea Smith’s organization InCite, which has yet to be accountable to or hold her accountable for lying about being a white woman all the while centering herself in “POC only spaces.”

Why Misogynists Make Great Informants

By Courtney Desiree Morris, make/shift

https://truthout.org/articles/why-misogynists-make-great-informants/

Why the hostility toward victims?

By Alyson M. Cole
https://inbedwithfridakahlo.wordpress.com/2009/04/05/why-the-hostility-toward-victims-by-alyson-m-cole/

https://amzn.to/2Cyj9WY

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Posted in Ableism, Blaming the Victim, Disability Rights, DISability101, Frida's Bookshelf, Radical healing, Radical self care, Resources, Spiritual Fascism, Uncategorized

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIDA

Posted on July 6, 2020 | Leave a comment

Self portrait of Frida Kahlo: The Broken Column

“I don’t think of Frida Kahlo as DISabled”

(yes, someone actually said that to me.)

“Have you actually LOOKED at her artwork?” I replied.

All this was in the context of an “anti-mall”, where lots of Frida Kahlo appropriated images would be sold at an event that wasn’t minimally accessible to —-Frida herself.

Happy birthday to a woman who gave us a visual language of dis-ability and social justice.

Color photo of Frida Kahlo with a body cast on. The plaster cast is painted with stars and flowers and a hammer and sicle. Frida is seated and is wearring a red and white blouse pulled up the cast is visible and is wearing a red and black skirt. Her hair is in an updo with red ribbons and she has lots of silver jewelry.

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Posted in Ableism, Daily indignities, Disability and the arts, Disability Rights, DISability101, Uncategorized

Social Justice Links Related to Covid-19

Posted on March 17, 2020 | 2 comments
This list or links was initially posted on facebook and facebook censored it!!
Your post goes against our Community Standards on spam No one else can see your post. We have these standards to prevent things like false advertising, fraud and security breaches. Emma Rosenthal published a note. March 14 at 7:31 AM Social Justice Links Related to Covid-19 I’m just getting started. Also, I haven’t read all of these. I just needed to put them all in one place and closes up some windows on my computer. I’m reading as fast as I can. Coronavirus Is the Perfect Disaster for ‘Disaster Capitalism’

Work in progress: New links added all the time. Newest links at the top of the page.

I’m just getting started. Also, I haven’t read all of these. I just needed to put them all in one place and closes up some windows on my computer. I’m reading as fast as I can.

For my other collection of resources and links related to Covid19:

Links:

 

 

 

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Posted in Ableism, Daily indignities, Disability Rights, DISability101, Environmental Eugenics, Uncategorized

Banning Plastic Straws: The Strawman of Strawmen

Posted on July 12, 2018 | 2 comments
A bingo card titled "Plastic Straw Ableism Bingo", in yellow text on a green field. At the bottom of the page it says myfreebingocards.com Bingo squares have black text on grey field. Text: What about reusable straws? They can use paper straws & compost them. My sister's cousin's friend works with the handicapped... It's ableist to say that DISabled people need straws. They're just as capable as everyone else. We all need to make sacrifices (which is why I chose a campaign that requires absolutely nothing from me). All this negativity. It's a start!  I don’t see any reason why we waste resources on severely retarded people. What about BAMBOO!? What did people use before there were straws? We have to start somewhere.  Why can't you carry a metal straw? Can straws be made out of hemp? Carry reusable straws with you. It’s very simple. Problem solved. Wouldn't it be the responsibility of the "DISabled" person to have one just in case? Should we expect establishments to provide wheelchairs for all the disabled "folx" too? I once heard a blind man say.... Some of my best patients are crippled. I know someone who needs a straw or water bottle to drink and he carries his own. Straws worked fine without being plastic. People will stop using them if you stop selling them and making them. Start making paper ones like the GOOD old days. They can drink from a well, actually.... We need to start somewhere. It's killing the ocean. Everyone needs to make sacrifices.

By Emma Rosenthal for inbedwithfridakahlo.wordpress.com

Rebuttals to each bingo square:

What about reusable straws?
Reusable straws are problematic for many reasons. People with the types of DISabilities that require the use of straws to drink often can’t use reusable straws which need to be cleaned, very carefully. If they are not cleaned, they can harbor diseases which can be especially harmful and dangerous for people with compromised immune systems.

They can use paper straws & compost them.
Not everyone has a compost pile, which requires a lot of work and space to maintain and which may not be something someone with a DISability that requires the use of drinking straws, to be able to do on a regular basis.
Paper straws that are thrown in the trash contribute to landfills which are air tight. Nothing decomposes in a landfill.
Also, paper straws are not as substantial as plastic ones, and often break or fall apart.

My sister’s cousin’s friend works with the handicapped…
This is the DISability version of “some of my best friends”, it is stated in many forms but usually doesn’t involve having actual friends with DISabilities.  (My clients, my child, my dad….), that dismiss the issues of access and accommodation by claiming someone else with a DISability said something different or had different needs.

It’s ableist to say that DISabled people need straws. They’re just as capable as everyone else.
This is a concern troll statement that pretends to care about and advocate for DISfolx by pretending that accommodations aren’t really necessary.

We all need to make sacrifices (which is why I chose a campaign that requires absolutely nothing from me).
The straw issue demands that DISfolx give up drinking while demanding little or no sacrifice by anyone else.

All this negativity. It’s a start!
Calling any demand for access, rights,  human needs negative is a really negative argument that negates the needs and existence of entire groups of people.

I don’t see any reason why we waste resources on severely retarded people.
For many DISfolx, this is the crux of the issue: that our lives have no value, that those who need straws are useless people who don’t deserve to use resources. It’s a #NaziMove that basically uses environmentalism as the basis of eugenics.

What about BAMBOO!?
This is one more superficial call for environmentalism that ignores the social justice issues raised in critiquing the “ban straws” campaign.  Bamboo straws would still need to be cleaned and would also still end up in landfills.

What did people use before there were straws?
Using the past as a model for DISabilty access today is a bad move. People died. DISfolx, died.

We have to start somewhere.
No, we have to have well thought out campaigns that don’t marginalize already marginalized people while demanding little of anyone else and totally ignoring the larger social issues of capitalism, corporate destruction of the environment and the planet. Environmentalism separate from the larger social justice dialogue that ignores human rights and capitalism is not an environmental movement, it’s a feel good without doing anything movement.
Also, this is just a very mean way to derail the issues being raised by DISfolx in this silly campaign that will have little or no impact on the environment.

Why can’t you carry a metal straw?
A metal straw can injure the person using it. Also, metal straws cannot be used with hot liquids.

Can straws be made out of hemp?
Possible. Go and make them, market them and assure that they’re affordable and available. Do that first, then get rid of something lots of people are telling you they need to have for something as basic as drinking.

Concern Troll  (This is the free space card on this bingo card.)
A concern troll is someone who is really against an issue or concern but pretends to be worried or interested in the well being of the people impacted by that issue.

Carry reusable straws with you. It’s very simple. Problem solved.
The campaign is for a full out ban. Carrying straws isn’t the answer.

Wouldn’t it be the responsibility of the “DISabled” person to have one just in case?
Should we expect establishments to provide wheelchairs for all the disabled “folx” too?
This is a misperception that DISfolx use up more resources and demand “special” accommodations than ENabled people. ENabled people are accommodated all the time. Restaurants, movie theaters all provide chairs for ENabled people. Bathrooms are designed for the use of ENabled people. DISability accommodations simply demand that the same accommodations provided to people whose bodies conform to a norm, be provided to everyone else as well.

I once heard a blind man say….
This again is a way to derail any issue by claiming that one person from a group represents the whole group, though in this case, someone who is blind probably doesn’t represent those who need straws to drink.

Some of my best patients are crippled.
This is again another version of the “some of my best friends”, though of course the person doesn’t have DISabled friends.

I know someone who needs a straw or water bottle to drink and he carries his own.
Great! Good for them, and with an all out ban, plus a stigma against using straws, they may not be able to carry them in the future. What else do they need to carry? Why should DISability accommodations be an individual problem and not a collective responsibility? We can’t resolve real environmental issues individually.

Straws worked fine without being plastic.
No they don’t.

People will stop using them if you stop selling them and making them.
Exactly. That’s the problem, DISfolx, even ones who carry their own straws and demand nothing of the world, won’t be able to get straws.

Start making paper ones like the GOOD old days.
Paper straws don’t hold up and fall apart easily. In the GOOD old days, DISfolx were killed, left to die, sent to institutions and hidden from public view. Your eugenics is showing.

They can drink from a well, actually….
Okay, I sparked this with a bit of humor. “Well actually” is the way Ablesplainers (mansplainers, whitesplainers) start a sentence when they want to silence someone from the actual group who is speaking from the authority of their own experience. 

It’s killing the ocean. Everyone needs to make sacrifices.
So then make a sacrifice. Not using drinking straws is a really odd campaign that people are pouring lots of time and attention and resources into, without any real change or impact on real, deep, actual environmental issues. A real change means a total shifting of priorities and that includes recognizing the value of people over profit, over expedience, over industry, over greed. And that means DISabled folx, too.

For more links, memes and videos on the issue of DISfolx and the straw ban:
https://inbedwithfridakahlo.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/the-strawman-of-all-strawmen-links-and-resources/

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Posted in Ableism, Blaming the Victim, Daily indignities, Disability Rights, DISability101, Environmental Eugenics, Oh Please!, The WE Empowerment Center, Uncategorized

The Strawman of all Strawmen: Links and Resources on DISability & the Straw Ban

Posted on July 12, 2018 | 4 comments

This page is a work in progress. New links and memes providing information on the limits and dangers of straw ban campaigns will be added as they become available. I’m sure this isn’t the last word on the absurd campaign to ban plastic straws.

(oh, and just try to get these environmentalists to care as much about fragrances they and others use that pollute the environment and make it impossible for DISfolx with chemical sensitivity to function. Where’s THAT environmental movement?)

Plastic straw bans are a feel good response to the crisis in the environment, but individual consumer environmentalism, even campaigns to ban specific products won’t resolve the crisis. This campaign is especially odd as it requires almost no change in behavior or sacrifice on the part of those banning or calling for a ban on plastic straws. For those who don’t need straws to drink, this feel good solution is a poor substitute for real social policy change and does nothing to challenge the enormous corporate and capitalist threat to the entire planet. The fact that McDonalds has stopped offering plastic straws to its customers speaks loudly to how ineffective and insignificant this movement is and how little a threat it is to some of the biggest polluters on the plant. On the other hand, DISabled activists have given ample feedback to this movement, met with a predictable and outraged “ableist bingo” of refrains and total lack of concern for the wellbeing of a significant number of living, breathing, drinking, eating, people.
The disposability of human beings is a much bigger environmental issue than plastic straws.

MEMES AND TWEETS:

(CLICK ON TWEETS TO LINK TO THE ORIGINAL THREAD)
https://twitter.com/EhlersDanlosgrl/status/1139214876553834496

 

https://twitter.com/spwarriortweets/status/1018183403915612162

A bingo card titled "Plastic Straw Ableism Bingo", in yellow text on a green field. At the bottom of the page it says myfreebingocards.com Bingo squares have black text on grey field. Text: What about reusable straws? They can use paper straws & compost them. My sister's cousin's friend works with the handicapped... It's ableist to say that DISabled people need straws. They're just as capable as everyone else. We all need to make sacrifices (which is why I chose a campaign that requires absolutely nothing from me). All this negativity. It's a start!  I don’t see any reason why we waste resources on severely retarded people. What about BAMBOO!? What did people use before there were straws? We have to start somewhere.  Why can't you carry a metal straw? Can straws be made out of hemp? Carry reusable straws with you. It’s very simple. Problem solved. Wouldn't it be the responsibility of the "DISabled" person to have one just in case? Should we expect establishments to provide wheelchairs for all the disabled "folx" too? I once heard a blind man say.... Some of my best patients are crippled. I know someone who needs a straw or water bottle to drink and he carries his own. Straws worked fine without being plastic. People will stop using them if you stop selling them and making them. Start making paper ones like the GOOD old days. They can drink from a well, actually.... We need to start somewhere. It's killing the ocean. Everyone needs to make sacrifices.

By Emma Rosenthal for inbedwithfridakahlo.wordpress.com

Straw Ban Ableist Bingo:
For a breakdown of each of these bingo squares:
https://inbedwithfridakahlo.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/banning-plastic-straws-the-strawman-of-strawmen/

 

 

 

VIDEO:

ARTICLES:

****New! Just added***

  • “Mandy Struthers-Gardner added: “I just feel that in the hands of mobility challenged people like Elena, or children, or even able-bodied people losing their footing, these things are so long and very strong.
    “Even if they don’t end a life they can be very dangerous.””

  • https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/aug/25/plastic-straw-ban-california-people-with-disabilities
    ‘People need them’: the trouble with the movement to ban plastic straws

  • Keeping us busy with minutia and personally attacking each other and marginalizing the already marginalized, distracts us from the real issues of climate change and the destruction of the planet:
    ” While we busy ourselves greening our personal lives, fossil fuel corporations are rendering these efforts irrelevant. The breakdown of carbon emissions since 1988? A hundred companies alone are responsible for an astonishing 71%. You tinker with those pens or that panel; they go on torching the planet.
    The freedom of these corporations to pollute – and the fixation on a feeble lifestyle response – is no accident. It is the result of an ideological war, waged over the last 40 years, against the possibility of collective action. Devastatingly successful, it is not too late to reverse it.”
    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/true-north/2017/jul/17/neoliberalism-has-conned-us-into-fighting-climate-change-as-individuals
    Neoliberalism has conned us into fighting climate change as individuals

  • “Consumer capitalism does not work. Studies have shown over and over again that
    changing our personal consumption strategies have little to no impact on the environment. Using less water, composting, etc, are all things you can continue to do because those are just great things to do, but if you think that these actions even have a negligible impact on the world: you’re wrong.

    Instead, what actually makes an impact is forcing corporations to pay for their mess. This means high taxes that make pollution expensive for them, which then forces them to switch to cleaner energy. This needs to be combined with punitive punishments for when they do pollute the environment.
    This also means holding accountable all our politicians that have been bought and paid for by these corporations.
    Stop moralizing consumer capitalism. It is ridiculous. Being vegan does not mean you lead a cruelty-free live cos I’m pretty sure farmers are dying for you to get your kale and quinoa.
    Instead, get angry. Get involved.

    “The Earth is not dying, it is being killed, and those who are killing it have names and addresses.” -Utah Phillips”
    http://kaliandkalki.com/its-not-your-personal-responsibility-to-save-the-world-not-when-youre-not-the-one-destroying-it/
    It’s not your personal responsibility to save the world, not when you’re not the one destroying it.

  • “It seems like straws have been chosen because it seems so easy to do – because who needs a straw? I’ve seen all kinds of campaigns, including telling people to “stop sucking”, meaning both ways – literally stop sucking on a straw to drink because figuratively you suck because you’re damaging the planet. Quite simply, I suck. That’s how I drink because my mobility issues mean that I can’t reliably lift a cup to my lips. And I’m definitely not alone. There are many, many, people like me. For a myriad of disability related reasons, there are a large number of people who drink through a straw. At home, I drink through what I call an adult sippy cup – it’s a water bottle with a straw built into it. It goes everywhere with me, but when I eat out, or if I’ve forgotten it, I’d like to be able to look like everyone else and not put my damn sippy cup on the table!”
    https://mssingabout.wordpress.com/2018/05/21/lets-ban-everything-and-damn-the-consequences/

    Let’s Ban Everything – and damn the consequences!

  • https://mssingabout.wordpress.com/2018/07/14/straws-it-really-means-accessibility-and-respect/
    Straws: it really means accessibility and respect
    “we are the experts. We have what’s known as the “lived experience” – we are experts in our own lives. We research. We problem solve. We network with each other. When we say something doesn’t work for us, we know that something doesn’t work for us, because we have tried it and failed, and moved on to find the better solution.”
  • https://mashable.com/2018/07/16/plastic-straw-ban-people-with-disabilities/#FVzJJEmYiPqm

    4 things we learned about plastic straw bans from people with disabilities
    “Overarching lesson: We need to be better about listening to people with lived experiences different from our own and including them in policy changes that affect their lives.”

  • BANNING STRAWS WON’T SAVE THE OCEANS
    https://psmag.com/environment/banning-straws-wont-save-the-oceans
    “Instead of shaming disabled consumers who rely on straws, let’s hold producers of plastic financially responsible for their waste.”

  • The #StrawBan is The Latest Policy Abled Allies are Choking On
    https://crutchesandspice.com/2018/07/17/the-strawban-is-the-latest-policy-abled-allies-are-choking-on/
    “If you follow me on twitter, you’ve observed as I fielded a barrage of tweets from “environmentalists” insisting that isolation and eugenicists practices weren’t the intent of the ban and that policy makers and companies probably didn’t think of disabled people.
    Why is that better?
    Also, their intent doesn’t matter in comparison to their impact.
    Worse yet, why didn’t these people think that one-fifth of their customer/constituent base didn’t exist? The straw ban is the symptom of a much larger problem: marginalized stories and histories are unimportant to people that have far too much power over their lives.
    Straws were originally used in hospitals and nursing facilities to keep people hydrated and were popularized by shake shops and fast food restaurants. Essentially abled people gentrified the straw for commercial reasons and are now trying to restrict access to them now that shallow environmentalism has popularized their ban. Realistically, banning them doesn’t make a dent in conservation and can end up keeping disabled people isolated and forgotten. True conservation requires caring for people first so that they have the energy to join you in the fight. No one is saying disabled people don’t like the environment, but our ability to live and quality of life comes first.”

  • Being Disabled isn’t Eco Friendly: Get Off Our Backs and Put In The Work
    https://crutchesandspice.com/2018/06/06/being-disabled-isnt-eco-friendly-get-off-our-backs-and-put-in-the-work/
    “Environmentalism can be used as a shield. Kind of the “All Lives Matter” of advocacy but true activists know that it requires more than simply recycling plastics or banning straws, but racial, social, economic, and disability justice to make true strides to environmental stewardship. People for whom it is a struggle to live day to day aren’t going to invest emotional, financial or logistical resources to thinking about the next 100-200 years. So, sorry, you may have avoided taking sides on poverty, the minimum wage, healthcare or Black Lives Matter, but you’re going to have to care about people that are different from you. The environment requires it.”

  • ‘Disabled People Are Not Part of the Conversation.’ Advocates Speak Out Against Plastic Straw Bans
    http://time.com/5335955/plastic-straws-disabled/
    ““It’s just commonplace that disabled people are not part of the conversation when it comes to implementing laws and legislation,” says Szymkowiak. “Having our voices not heard is all too familiar. We recognize the environmental concern and we see the impact single-use plastic has on the environment. It’s good that they are reacting to customer concerns, but a company as big as Starbucks should pay attention to disabled customers’ needs and produce assessable straws.””
    ********

     

  • http://mynameiskristine.com/2018/07/10/we-seriously-have-to-talk-about-straws/

    We Seriously Have To Talk About Straws??
    “And this is why white liberal activism is so exhausting. The environmentalists originally chose the plastic straw issue, because it seemed like an easy win that wouldn’t hurt anybody. When the disabled community spoke up and said, “Actually, it hurts us!” that should have been the end of the conversation. That was the cue for the environmentalists to say, “Oh, our bad, no problem, we’ll pick a different thing.”

    But, no. Instead, they get mad at us for letting our negative impact get in the way of their good intentions. We aren’t awarding them Good Person Points, and they want their Good Person Points! It doesn’t matter that they’re trampling on a marginalized community to get them.
    People like being advocates for the environment and animals. You know why? It’s easy. Relative to activism and allyship for groups of humans, I mean. The environment doesn’t talk back and tell you that you’re doing it wrong. Animals don’t tell you that your good intentions were misguided and they’d like you to take a step back and let them define their own needs. Humans are so much messier and more complex.”

  • This article really breaks down the eugenics that is very problematic in general in the environmental movement.
    “Picking a fight over straws may seem nonsensical, but the larger low-waste and zero-waste movements, which tend to be overwhelmingly white and nondisabled, frequently single out products that benefit the disability community, like straws or pre-cut fruits and veggies, as a wasteful use of natural resources. It’s a two-part logic: One, the planet’s resources are limited and growing scarcer, and two, the way to control that is by cutting back on the use of nonrenewables. This does little to explore which humans are using the majority of resources on Earth and where the real choke points of waste lie. And it feeds insidious attitudes about who should be “allowed” to use the resources that are available.”
    https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/the-straw-ban-harms-disabled-people

    VALUABLE RESOURCES: THE ABLEIST FIGHT OVER PLASTIC STRAWS
    “I don’t see any reason why we waste resources on severely retarded people,” someone asked in the popular r/changemyview subreddit in 2014. “Why would we ever spend our resources on something like this rather then [sic] people that will benefit far more from them?” The harsh question netted over 300 replies with many people debating whether euthanasia is a “merciful” solution for people who are “not really human beings.” A few commenters said that the entire conversation dehumanized disabled people. Ultimately, the original poster concluded: “Even though my view on the burden on society remain unchanged, you’re right that there’s probably no real way to implement [a way to make value judgements on who should be allowed to live and die].”
    While the original question is reprehensible, the conversation echoes a largely held opinion in the environmental movement about who “deserves” resources. The assumption that disabled lives are worth less is at the core of these conversations, and a failure to reckon with that warped premise alienates the disability community. Implying that nondisabled people need and deserve more resources than disabled people also distracts from finding real solutions to issues such as climate change, resource scarcity, and pollution.
    Nowhere is this more evident than in the current fight over plastic straws, a cause célèbre of the environmental movement. “Stop sucking,” a cheeky environmental campaign exhorts, noting that millions of straws end up in the trash, and often the ocean, every year. A heartrending video of a sea turtle with a plastic straw sticking out of its nose has become emblematic for the war on straws, just as chilling images of birds ensnared in six-pack rings pushed consumers to demand changes to beer and soda packaging in the 1990s.”

     

  • https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2018/07/12/plastic-straw-bans-are-the-latest-policy-to-forget-the-disability-community/?utm_term=.a9f97e8be894
    Plastic straw bans are the latest policy to forget the disability community: Laws, rules and regulations developed without input from people with disabilities often end up penalizing us.

    “Living with a disability means having to worry about things on a daily basis that never cross other people’s minds. It means worrying about whether somebody will come to help you get out of bed in the morning. It means a morning commute completely derailed by an elevator outage. Living with a disability means only being able to travel to cities where accessible transportation is an option. Living with a disability takes a lot of planning and energy and learning how to exist in a world that is not made for you. I’d rather not add, “Will they have a straw?” to my list of worries every time I go out for a cup of tea.

    People with a huge range of disabilities depend on plastic straws to access beverages and the very water they need to survive: cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy and multiple sclerosis, among many others. For so many people with disabilities, something as mundane as a straw represents independence and freedom. And the conversation around their environmental impact, without consideration of who uses straws and why, demonstrates how people with disabilities are often forgotten.”

     

  • https://www.seattleweekly.com/news/straw-ban-leaves-disabled-community-feeling-high-and-dry/
    Straw Ban Leaves Disabled Community Feeling High and Dry
    “Requiring people with disabilities to treat a routine fast-food trip as something that requires planning and supplies is an unplanned failure in equity, when these restaurants could just as easily offer them upon request to individuals who need them. Disability is already very expensive, and many people are forced to carry around large amounts of equipment or types of medication and devices. Adding another specialized device, simply for them to be able to hydrate themselves, is an undue burden, and an unfortunate effect of this law,”

     

  • http://www.upworthy.com/there-s-an-unexpected-downfall-to-banning-plastic-straws-here-s-what-to-consider
    There’s an unexpected downfall to banning plastic straws. Here’s what to consider.
    “The next time someone comes to you with a concern, especially if it relates to inclusion or accessibility, try to make a real effort to actually hear what they have to say, and then maybe ask yourself why something like banning a plastic straw is so important to you, anyway.
    If we can’t take care of each other, we can’t take care of the earth. So let’s start there.”

  • https://mssinenomineblog.wordpress.com/2018/05/31/curiosity-vancouvers-straw-ban-another-barrier-and-another-excuse-for-non-disabled-people-to-shame-marginalize-interrogate-and-demonstrate-they-dont-care-about-discrimination-against-disabled/
    Curiosity: Vancouver’s Straw Ban – Another Barrier and Another Excuse For Non-Disabled People to Shame, Marginalize, Interrogate and Demonstrate They Don’t Care About Discrimination Against Disabled People
    “The City had originally planned to ban other items, such as single-use plastic utensils but after concerns were raised during consultation, that was changed to opt in – meaning provided only if requested by the customer. In contrast, as a result of consultation the opt-in for plastic straws was changed to a ban in part because “staff concluded that a customer prompt or by-request by-law was not practical…””

  •  https://inews.co.uk/news/environment/universal-plastic-straw-ban-disabled-people/ Why a universal plastic straw ban is actually bad for people with disabilities
    “Metal and bamboo straws are too strong, and can cause injury for people with Parkinson’s. Bio-degradable alternatives often can’t be used above a certain temperature, so aren’t usable with hot drinks, or soup. The leading manufacturer of bio-degradable straws in the UK, Plastico, produces straws that can’t be used with liquids above 40 degrees, while the average Starbucks coffee is served at 70. Paper straws are often used as an alternative, and Szymkowiak says that “disabled people can take longer to drink and paper straws become soggy which is a choking hazard.” This can be exacerbated for people with learning difficulties who may not notice the deterioration. They are also inflexible, a problem for people with mobility issues.”
    (Temperatures are in celcius. 40˚C = 104˚F  70˚C = 158˚F)
  • https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2018-06-07/plastic-straws-aren-t-the-problem

    Plastic Straws Aren’t the Problem: Skipping straws may be hip. But there are much better ways to fight pollution.
    ” Straws make up a trifling percentage of the world’s plastic products, and campaigns to eliminate them will not only be ineffective, but could distract from far more useful efforts.”

     

  • https://psmag.com/environment/banning-straws-wont-save-the-oceans
    BANNING STRAWS WON’T SAVE THE OCEANS: Instead of shaming disabled consumers who rely on straws, let’s hold producers of plastic financially responsible for their waste.
    “There’s nothing wrong with pushing people to be more environmentally conscious. But individual action is not going to save our oceans. Our industrial systems continue to flood waste facilities with plastics, big and small. From there, plastics flow into rivers and streams and are carried into the sea. We need to look at the systems that generate these plastics, and hold producers financially responsible for safe disposal. Let’s put our efforts where the money is, rather than shaming disabled consumers who just want an accessible drink of water.”

  • https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jul/09/disabled-person-plastic-straws-baby-wipes
    I rely on plastic straws and baby wipes. I’m disabled – I have no choice

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Posted in Ableism, Blaming the Victim, Daily indignities, Disability Rights, DISability101, Environmental Eugenics, Oh Please!, Uncategorized

Going Viral (sort of)

Posted on March 8, 2018 | Leave a comment

Travels of a Tweet

I pretty much NEVER go viral, so I’m a bit thrilled to see this tweet of mine, get some press. We crripl girls go far, traveling in our magic beds. So much we have to say. Are you listening?

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Posted in Ableism, Diary Post, Disability and the arts, DISability101, Oh Please!, Uncategorized

Diary of a Staycation #1: New Meditations

Posted on August 7, 2017 | Leave a comment

Diary of a Staycation #1: New Meditations

My life has changed so much since I started this blog. I’m older, my body is not at cooperative as it used to be, added a few more diagnosis to the mix of my DISabled life. I was terribly lonely when I started this blog. Isolated in suburbia, a single mother on a very limited fixed income, I was dangerously alone. Today I live in community, with very little privacy. A life of abuse, the resulting lack of boundaries, and so many years of isolation and I accept my lack of privacy as a choice and a blessing. We need each other more than we need time alone.  My partner, Andy and I along with an amazing team, including Glenda, Xeres and Carlos, run a modest and wonderful bnb out of our home, as well as provide a variety of community services. (Read more at dragonflyhill.wordpress.com, a web page and blog I also manage.) I handle most of the social media, from our airbnb listing pages, to our blog, twitter, facebook, yelp and google.  I did most of the photography for our advertising and our blog and most of our writing. Guests come from all over to stay with us, and we start every day with a huge community breakfast. We rarely know who will be joining us, including local activists, community members and guests.  Xeres and Andy and I comprise the board of the newly form The WE Empowerment Center (theweempowermentcenter.wordpress.com)

There’s a lot of physical, cognitive and emotional labor that goes into this space and maintaining community.  I haven’t had much time to court my muse, to write creatively or to do fine art photography.  And on the way, I’ve lost pieces of myself.

So today I’m starting. Today I’m taking myself back. Leaving the home business to my capable team, I’m taking a few days off and staying in the bnb of a local airbnb host and dear friend, for a few days of meditation and creativity.

Here are some samples of food for thought and where my mind is wandering, a map of sorts. If you’ve been following me, (and if I don’t know you, please reach out), watch out. I’m going to be posting a lot of new material, much of which has been 90% finished for some time, and has just waited for the time to focus on it, and craft it to perfection.

Music for meditation

Black and white image of a samuri in a forest. The image is very soft and slightly out of focus. Text: A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do ou reconcile the two?" The master replies: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war."

H/T Xeres Villanueva who posted this to her facebook feed.

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Posted in Ableism, Diary Post, My travels with Charley, Radical healing, Radical self care, sacred text, Small insurrections, Uncategorized

Inaccessibility Fatigue Rag

Posted on July 16, 2017 | Leave a comment

7/16/17

I am tired of negotiating my humanity to strangers.

Or trusting friends who just don’t understand.

Of trying to fit my body into spaces that do not accommodate me.

Only to be told how difficult I am to those who fit in, just right.

I am tired of accommodations to fads and fashions, to power and privilege but that DISability access is too demanding, or we did that the last time, we can’t do that EVERY time.
I am tired of loving  a world that doesn’t love me back.

I am tired of patience and desire.

I am tired of betrayal when an apology would be enough—mine or theirs.

I am tired of excuses and abuses.
I am tired of pity and scorn, and entitlement and hatred.

I am tired of the modern versions of the ugly laws and the look of disgust and contempt upon seeing me, by strangers who have no idea who I am.

I am tired of ableist jokes and insults
I am tired of abuse substituted for love, because there are good quiet crrpls and demanding shrews who need to be tamed.
I am tired of character assassinations when their arguments are no match for mine or because they will not be held accountable for their lack of real solidarity.
I am tired of infantilization and being treated like a child.

I am tired of excuses and favors because DISfolx aren’t seen as resources in our own experience.
I am tired of offense taken to be out argued or out spoken by a person like me, uppity, articulate crrpl that I am.

I am tired of having to ask for accommodations only to be treated with hostility for even posing the question.

I am tired of assumptions and accusations of  people who know nothing but think they know everything, like why if I can walk up stairs one day, in one location, why I can’t another day in another location.

I am tired of entitlement of others to define for me the parameters of my reality.

I am tired of people deciding for me what I need, what I should be happy with, what I should like and how I should behave.

I am tired of people who never read a single book on DISability access, schooling me and ‘splaining to me how it’s going to work.

I am tired of people who seem to be allies, only to find out that they were keeping score all along, and anything they did to create access was weighed against my next request. I didn’t know you were keeping a running tab and that I was now in debt to you.
I am tired of pity and stares and stairs.
I am tired of “well no one else complained” or “there were other DISabled people there so it must be accessible.

I am tired of the assumption that if I’m the only one complaining that others must be comfortable when really it means that others may be silent because they don’t feel comfortable speaking up, and some people will harm themselves trying to fit in, and others won’t show up at all because they know the risk in asking.

I am tired of blaming the victim, of disparaging a complaint, of killing the messenger, of the cult of positivity, of silencing dissent.

I am tired of those who don’t need accommodations deciding without even a dialogue what access means.

I am tired of the expectation of gratitude for half a ramp, or one day’s effort or half measures in general.
I am tired of trying to fit into public spaces at all.

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Posted in Ableism, Bearing Witness, Blaming the Victim, Daily indignities, Diary Post, Disability Rights, DISability101, Small insurrections, Spiritual Fascism, Uncategorized

Words to Roll By:

Posted on July 12, 2017 | 1 comment
  • Black Lives Matter
  • DISability inclusion always, all days,  every way
  • LGBTQIAA affirmative

    Wood or linoleum cut. Black letters on brown and white background. Text: If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together. Aboriginal Activist Group

    – Lilla Watson, Aboriginal Activist

  • Gender justice
  • Free Palestine
  • Refugees have right of passage & right of return
  • Antisemitism is racism
  • Fat is a DISability issue
  • The only safe borders are open borders
  • U.S. out of North America (yeah, you read that right)
  • Indigenous rights now
  • Universal human rights
  • Universal humanity
  • Workers’ Rights
  • A woman’s place is in the world
  • Trans sisters are women
  • LOS MARINES NO PASARAN!
  • DIALOGUE MATTERS
  • HONOR THE TREATIES
  • No ban, no Wall!
  • IF IT ISN’T INTERSECTIONAL IT ISN’T CLASS STRUGGLE
  • CLASS STRUGGLE IS KNOWING WHICH SIDE OF THE FENCE YOU ARE ON, CLASS ANALYSIS IS KNOWING WHO IS THERE WITH YOU (anonymous poster c 1970)
  • Decolonize!
  • Socialism the means of production
  • Honor youth
  • Respect your elders!
  • Age in place!
  • No means no!
  • Radical consent!
  • Healing is a community issue.
  • Health care is a human right

    White text on dark blue background over two hands holding each other in a u-shape under text. Text: If you're truly intersectional in your activism and advocacy you're going to make a lot of enemies.

    -Emma Rosenthal

  • No blood for oil
  • No U.S. imperialism
  • Antifa
  • Prison abolition
  • No torture
  • Bullying is bigotry
  • Solidarity not charity
  • Exclusion serves the oppressor. Inclusion serves the struggle
  • Nothing without all of us: Justice not just us.
  • Housing, education, health care are basic human rights
  • Honor the earth
  • physical beauty isn’t a virtue
  • Down with white supremacy
  • Don’t cross a picket line
  • Fight the labor aristocracy
  • Nothing changes without a complaint
  • Never Again
  • Never Again Anyone
  • I remember the Armenian Genocide
  • Jihad means struggle.
  • This is my jihad…

If I left you out, let me know, because none of us is free unless all of us are free.

ANY QUESTIONS? DO YOU HATE ME NOW? UNFRIEND ME UNFOLLOW ME.
Some bridges need to be burned

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Posted in Ableism, Bearing Witness, Disability and the arts, Disability Rights, DISability101, Fat is a Disability Issue, love, Racism/Sexism and the nexus of dis-ability, Radical healing, Radical self care, Resistance of ordinary seeds, Small insurrections, Uncategorized

Field Tested Rules for Crrpls

Posted on February 4, 2017 | 1 comment

Rules for crrpls: do not ever ever ever ever ever imply that DISability rights is part of the larger struggle for universal human rights, against racism, sexism, gender justice and class power.

Rules for crrpls:  Don’t impose yourself on real social justice movements, attempt to infuse DISability rights into discussions of marginalization, or insist, provide suggestions or even resources that would enhance DISability access in the larger human rights struggle.

Rules for crrpls: Keep your political activism limited to organizations that focus on DISability rights and issues of access that don’t interfere with real social justice work, even if and when those organizations exclude you either because they are run by nonDISfolx, white folx, people with social and economic capital or a professionalized staff not interested in grassroots organizing.

rules for crrpls: When people try to help you, always be grateful. Never contradict them or try to explain what you really need. This will hurt their feelings (enrage them). They’re really doing their best (trying to make themselves feel good at your expense), and it’s not like you deserve to actually have a say in your agency, body autonomy or full inclusion.

rules for crrpls: Do not get offended when people make fun of your health condition or physical or emotional characteristics. Certainly don’t interrupt their fun by pointing out the arrogance, bigotry and entitlement inherent in making fun of people’s afflictions and certainly DON’T turn the tables by making fun of them, when they give you that tired excuse “we’re just kidding, lighten up.” When they say, “anything goes” that doesn’t REALLY mean that you can make THEIR entitled asses the butt of your jokes.

Rules for crrpls:  Don’t ever assert that Disability rights has any place in the larger struggle for social justice and human rights. These people are working hard enough for social justice to have to find time and resources to include your sorry ass.

Rules for crrpls:  Appear grateful and upbeat at all times, and if you can, provide material for the inspiration of people without DISabilities.– You know: paint with your feet, walk on your hands, sing out of your ass– stuff like that. They love that shit.

Rules for crrpls:  Never appear more capable than someone without a DISability. This embarrasses them and interferes with their entitled sense of superiority. There’s nothing worse than appearing less capable than someone already labeled incapacitated.

Rules for crrpls:  Do not discuss your DISability in public. Discussion of DISability is the purview of those who do not have DISabilities, so they can appear magnanimous and generous.

rules for crrpls: Do not say “excuse me” if someone is blocking your way and is deep in conversation. Wait patiently until they are finished. Also, do not attempt to go around them, because they might bump into you and this would startle them.

Rules for crrpls: Don’t ask if an event that is open to the public or that you’ve been invited to, is ACTUALLY accessible. this is rude, as it puts the host on the spot and risks causing them embarrassment.

Rules for crrpls:  Don’t show up to an event that isn’t accessible. This too may lead to the embarrassment of the host. You should magically know with your other hyper sensitive enhanced sensory abilities, if an event is accessible or not.

Got any  more? Leave them in the comments…..

 

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Posted in Oh Please!, Poem, Racism/Sexism and the nexus of dis-ability, Small insurrections, Spiritual Fascism, Uncategorized