Counting the Omer: Day 47

Text:
Day 47
i was sitting in my garden watching seedlings grow _planning for future harvests_counting weeds
waiting
waiting
i’m tired today but not too tired. and i’m not in much pain. so i was sitting this morning, cool and dry, perfect socal morning. as i sat i thought of this omer journey, almost completed, only three days left. today is hod (theory, order, splendor) in malchut (kingdom, sovereignty, grounding) and it occurred to me that i should begin to reflect on the journey, what better day to begin than on the day of theory in grounding. sometimes i find myself on time with a divine calendar, sometimes.
but I don’t know_where am I? _where am I going? _what are these daily ramblings providing? _what does my blog look like as I go back to daily life without the omer journal?
i am still sick and poor. i have yet to join plowshares with other who find themselves likewise, trapped under the wheel of this huge machine. i am still a prisoner of illness and distance. i perhaps have a greater understanding of purpose and direction. but i don’t know if i can make the journey, if the work will come, the money, or other sources of sustenance to provide. i have long discarded middle class mythology: “do what you love the money will follow.” it doesn’t if one makes choices that don’t feed the machine.
i am aware of the death machine and the war me must wage against it. i am aware of the walls of time, of space, of money, of distance, of brick and mortar that stand between us. i no longer pray, and on the rare occasion that i utter words to the heavens, i don’t expect an answer. i expect more from tomato seeds. they respond to me. prayer is for those with money and power so they can convince themselves it was pray and not brutality and bribery that served their interests.
i listen to wind and plants and water; growing things.i’m grateful for fresh bread and tomatoes, cucumbers, homemade soap. i have learned to wait; for the ability to walk, for strength, for change, for love for hope. i can wait forever, forever. i who used to be so impatient; i can wait.
and i mourn for all that is lost, all that is dying around us; hope against the thunderclouds; the impending storm of bombs, bulldozers and the knock on the door.
i am no longer surprised or disillusioned. i know the system doesn’t work. i know my phone is tapped. i know i have no secrets from those who wish to do me harm.
each breath is manifesto
INHALE!

Counting the omer: Day 46

Text:
Day 46_six weeks and four days of the omer
NETZACH SHEBE MALCHUT
creativity inspiration endurance_within within within within within _kingdom sovereignty grounding

broken

broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken _broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken broken
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Comments
This is outrageous! This is such a nice blog and nobody comments here?! Anyway this is a nice thing to stumble upon. Two nices in a para: I should shout (to myself)like Clementine of that eternal sunshine movie: “Oh, God. Don’t you know any other adjectives?” _Posted by viju on 05/28/2006 05:02:58 AM

Counting the omer: day 45

Text:_beauty harmony balance
within
kingdom sovereignty grounding
today i have nothing no wisdom at all.  i am grounded in illness and pain, my sovereign pain no harmony
i observe the beauty of growing things
create secret subversive works of art_worthless priceless_in a world of capital and profit
my work is worthless and i do not exist
there is subversive power in the invisibility of insignificance
i live in the shadows i am invisible
i live in an impossible body
broken broken broken broken broken body boken heart heavy load lonely road lonely road lonely road lonely road
i must remember that we never really know the difference we make in the world.

Counting the omer: days 43 and 44

Day 43

Text:_Chesed shebe Malchut
six weeks and one day of the omer
loving kindness within kingdom sovereignty grounding
what does love look like?_does it have form?_does it endure?_is it always kind?_the distance between us_who am i?_who are you?
dance with me
how to dance when i cannot walk
integrity_mine yours what holds us together?
i wander i wonder i wander i wonder i wander
how far do we go for love?
how far does it take us?
where are we going?
love is home
i’m not sure what i am doing
to all my stalkers:_this is not about you.
DAY 44

Text:
GEVURAH SHEBE MALCHUT
today is day 44 of the omer marking six weeks and two days of the omer.  strength boundaries limits in kingdom sovereignty grounding and I feel the full impact of my limits.  pain reduces me to a sick woman in am bed.  a faciitis in my right plantars tendon makes walking painful.  i need to do mild stretches and wait for it to heal; the slow mending of cell and sinew.   my neck hips elbow and shoulders also hurt.
so much to do_no body to do it with,
the body has left me and my spirit is stuck in bed.
i need to find work. my pension does not provide for me.  i am in the kingdom; a peasant, a peon and crippled beggar.  i cannot sustain myself here.  everything costs so much.
where am i going?
where is home where is home?
without my foot i cannot walk without my wings i cannot fly.
where am i from?
i have no roots i do not belong anywhere i everything i love has been scattered like old leaves.  nothing connects
separate pieces of broken glass that do  not fit together.

Counting the omer: Day 42

42 Days of the omer

text:
it is the body that leaves the soul
i am frankenstein’s monster_i am kafka’s roach_i am virginia’s lighthouse_i am shakespear’s shrew_i am frida’s journal_i am diego’s calla lilies_i am sor juana’s poems_i am lot’s wife_    and his daughters
i am miriam’s well_i am jesus’ sandal_i am john’s head_i am samson’s hair_i am judith’s knife_i am ethel’s child_i am mary’s blood_I am hope_I am fear_i am promise_i am betrayal_i am tenacity_i am lost_i am wandering_i am heaven_i am hell_i am ancient_i am recent_i am the candle_i am the wick_i am the flame _i am the lamp_i am the lightning bolt_i am the firefly_i am the north star i am bioluminescence_42 days of the omer_malchut shebe yesod
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Comments
I loved the title of this work. smile._Posted by other-clowns on 05/26/2006 01:41:07 AM

Counting the Omer: Days 40-41

<>Day 40

<>Hod shebe Yesod

<>Text:
how to be whole how to be whole_in a broken world_a jigsaw world of broken connections_alliances promises loyalties hopes bodies
even when we touch we can be so far away
day 40 splendor theory order
in
the foundation of righteousness
hod shebe yesod
It is hard to tend to art when there are bread and butter needs
how to bring art and justice into every day life
how to live a whole life_how to tend to work_how to find sustaining work that doesn’t take away from who I am_doesn’t strip away at my essential tasks _essential self
how to be whole in a broken body
being right doesn’t put food on the table_being right doesn’t make house; home
<>Day 41

<> yesod shebe yesod
the foundation of righteousness in the foundation of righteousness

Counting the Omer: Day 39

Text:_39 days_five weeks 4 days of the omer
netzach within yesod
creativity endurance inspiration
within
the foundation of righteousness
paradise is what we create_a tapestry of fine thread and delicate fiber_a garden of luscious fruit_libraries of ancient texts_and new ideas_stories told at the rim of campfires
mountain springs of crystal clean water
the dance of children_the rainbow of paint_on_cascades of the canvas
flute_piano_cello_ a harmony of collective vision imagery
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Comments
Did the clown say to you yesterday that he loves the work of Frida….. well, don’t believe him… its me who used to have some of her paintings…. he stole them…. and now claims to people that he had gone through them…. I loved your posts._Posted by other-clowns on 05/23/2006 01:58:06 PM
Oh! My wretched ol’ alter ego, spreading all the wrong rumours about me…. trust me, Emma, I really used to have her paintings myself….. and had nothing to do this other clown._Posted by clown on 05/23/2006 02:01:41 PM
Hah! Don’t worry mate, she won’t believe you._Posted by other-clowns on 05/23/2006 02:04:07 PM

Counting the Omer: day 38

38 days of omer

Text_38 days of the omer
five weeks 3 days of the omer
beauty balance harmony
in
the foundation of righteousness
if i were a tree i would want to be an aspen connected deep within the ground to all the others _a community of breath and depth
beauty without foundation is vanity façade illusion fleeting disconnected unreal commodity
all that is real is what exists between us the distance we bridge to connect
the bridge_the wire_the strand_the beat_the hope _the wisper_the idea_the memory_touch_kiss_breath_depth_embrace
it’s a busy world we don’t seem to have time for each other_truth_what lies beneath the surface

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<>Comments
I found your blog today….. it’s strange considering the fact that you’ve been posting for a long time now…. it’s even stranger considering how religiously I follow the blog directory from time to time…. Anyways, loved your posts…. stepped back, went right to the beginning and started reading from the introduction…. kept reading until I reached here…. that’s when, I guess, I realized that I must put a comment ….. Once upon a time, I used to get my eyes drenched and my heart trenched in Frida’s work…. it was like a reincarnation to me….. will definitely return to this terrible white canvas of yours for YOUR future posts…. smile. _Posted by clown on 05/22/2006 02:51:19 AM

Counting the Omer: Day 37

Day 37

Text:
Day 37_limits boundaries discipline strength within foundation righteousness _gevurah shebe yesod
forgiven unforgiven forgiven unforgiven forgiven unforgiven forgiven
until justice runs down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream –MLK
is the lie more real than the truth?
the earth is moving beneath me _if i wish upon a cloud will the rains come?  _will the desert bloom?  _will the rivers run clean and free again?  _I am waiting for redemption, justice, thunderclouds_roots dig in for a long battle against the integrity of ordinary seeds